WWE Money In The Bank 2020: The Big Review


HELLO AND WELCOME to The Big Review of WWE Money In The Bank 2020! 

As we’ve become accustomed to seeing, this year’s MITB comes to you without a live audience from both the Performance Center in Orlando, and the actual WWE offices at their HQ in Stamford, Connecticut. Sorry, WWE Superstars – there’ll be no working from home for you.

My name is Mike, and I’ll be doing the written equivalent of live-reacting to the show since I’m about to watch it, start to finish, for the first time. I’m settled down, strapped in and snacked up, so with that said, let’s get cracking into the kickoff show!

Kickoff Show: Jeff Hardy vs Cesaro

Singles Match

I found out about this match last night on Twitter. These two guys should be main eventing pay-per-views, but instead they’re stuck on the pre-show while MVP and R-Truth rip it up on the main card. 2020, man. What a year.

Given what happened on Smackdown this week, where Sheamus attacked Hardy but the Enigma left with the upper hand, I think a Celtic Warrior assist will hand Cesaro the win here to put Jeff on a comeback losing streak – even though Hardy could probably do with a W on his road back to a title picture. It’s a tough opening choice on what’s likely to be a very unpredictable show. Just how I like it!

My prediction: Cesaro

My favourite thing about the empty arena era is being able to hear the wrestlers trash talking each other, and there’s some great yakking in this one from both guys, especially Cesaro, who’s in control for the majority. At one point he catches Jeff in a sort of sleeper/chinlock, licks his thumb, then starts rubbing Hardy’s facepaint off, which is the sort of detail that makes me love Cesaro. How this guy isn’t in the main event scene I’ll never understand.

On the balance of the match this should be a Cesaro win, but as soon as it started I knew my prediction was wrong. Cole and Graves on commentary talking about the road to redemption for Hardy and hoping the fans stick with him for one last run means there’s no way he’s losing here, and after shoving Cesaro into the ring steps, he hits a Swanton Bomb to pick up the three count with Sheamus nowhere to be found. 

Winner: Jeff Hardy (0/1)

Disappointing start for me, since I thought having Sheamus cost Jeff three or four matches on his comeback trail before Hardy finally gets revenge on the Celtic Warrior at a future PPV to kickstart his return would have made for a more compelling story. Cesaro could do with something other than losses on his record too. Oh well.

The New Day (c) vs. Lucha House Party vs. Miz & Morrison vs. Forgotten Sons

Fatal Four-Way Tag Match for the Smackdown Tag Team Championships

I’m predicting New Day to retain here since Big E just won the titles back for his team, but it’s an intriguing one with Forgotten Sons thrown into the mix. I think they could be a great heel team if they’re properly booked on Smackdown, but I fear they’re going to live up to their names before long – especially if they don’t win, or worse, eat the pinfall here. Personally I expect one of the Luchas to find himself on the mat for the three count, even though I’d absolutely love to see them win. They aren’t going to though, are they? 

My prediction: New Day to retain

The match starts with Big E launching his jacket so hard at Corey Graves that he almost takes him out of his chair, which is exactly the sort of action I’m here for. New Day are already winners in my book.

I’m also here for top rope Spanish Flies to a pile of bodies on the outside, and that’s just what Gran Metalik and John Morrison give us just a few minutes into this match, before Forgotten Sons spend a good five minutes working over the luchador. He eventually escapes to Lince Dorado, who hits a ridiculous hurricanrana-pinfall on Morrison that’s broken up by Blake just before the three.

All four teams then go back and forth for several more minutes in a hugely entertaining match before Miz and Morrison hit a finisher on Big E, but the Luchas break up the pin – then they do the same to Big E, but Forgotten Sons deny them the victory. Jakson Ryker is sent to the back by the official, and in the chaos, the Luchas hit top-rope moves on Miz, Morrison, Blake and Cutler – and with everyone weakened, the House Party jump back into the ring to complete the win over New Day. Kofi and Big E have other ideas, however, and after a Trouble in Paradise on Lince Dorado, Big E hits the Big Ending on Gran Metalik, and that’s enough for the champs to retain.

Winners and STILL Smackdown Tag Team Champions: The New Day (1/2)

Yeah, that’s what most of us thought I think. Forgotten Sons looked pretty good and got some decent time to show off their double team moves, but there were good showings for all the teams in this match – New Day probably featured the least overall, but picked up the win in the end. Good match.

R-Truth vs MVP

Singles Match

I honestly don’t know what to think about this, so I decided to show my girlfriend the above picture of R-Truth and MVP and asked her who she thought would win. “The guy on the left seems more likeable I guess. Does it matter?”

It sure doesn’t, but that works for me. I’ll add that I think Shane Thorne and Brendan Vink will show up to help MVP establish his new enhancement stable and hand R-Truth that win via DQ in the process.

Tam’s prediction: R-Truth

I’ll happily admit that Truth’s entrance rap with an empty arena made me chuckle, since he continued to play to the crowd despite them not being there. Lovely stuff. 

A very stupid exchange in the ring between the two competitors is abruptly ended by Bobby Lashley, who not only makes a surprise entrance – he tells MVP he can take the night off before getting a suprise win over R-Truth. All very confusing, but perhaps this means Lashley is the latest member of MVP’s burgeoning stable? I’ve got no idea. I didn’t understand this match before, and I don’t understand it now. All I know is, if anyone reading got this prediction right, I’m calling you a liar.

Winner: Bobby Lashley(?) (1/3)

No interaction post-match between Lashley and MVP, and unless I missed it, no further interaction between them on the whole rest of the show. Therefore, the replacement of MVP with Lashley somehow made this match even more pointless than it already seemed. I will, however, be tuning into the weekly shows to see whether a relationship does develop between them, so I guess WWE have worked their magic over me yet again. I’m such a sucker.

Bayley vs Tamina

Singles match for the Smackdown Women’s Championship

Tamina pinned Bayley on Smackdown so she’s not winning here. Not that I thought she was anyway, but just in case you did. I hate to admit this, but I couldn’t be less excited for this match. Can’t they just pull the trigger on Bayley/Banks already? 

My prediction: Bayley to retain

Sasha accompanies Bayley as always, but in the pre-match backstage interview, did I just see some cracks forming between the two best friends? You certainly wouldn’t think so in the early going, as Bayley takes control of “the powerhouse” Tamina (Michael Cole’s words, not mine) and The Boss claps and cheers her efforts from ringside.

After a period of solid dominance, Bayley catches a Tamina superkick into a knee bar, an excellent counter move for one of Tamina’s biggest weapons, but the Pacific Islander makes it to the ropes. Bayley then throws Corey Graves’ water in Tamina’s face while she’s down on the apron, but rather than douse the fire, she simply fans the flames – and suddenly, Tamina takes control. 

She superkicks Bayley all the way out of the ring before launching the champion over the announce table – huge assist to Cole and Graves on this show so far – before chucking her back into the ring and hitting a superkick-Samoan Drop combo that could be enough! Tamina could do it here! 

Banks slides into the ring and distracts Tamina, who should just cover Bayley right in her face… but instead she chases Banks out of the ring, rolls back in, and falls victim to a rollup by Bayley for the one, two, three. Sigh. Bayley retains.

Winner and STILL Smackdown Women’s Champion: Bayley (2/4)

Slow clap for the challenger. She had it won, but fell foul to the classic ‘Faces Are Stupid’ trope to chuck the whole thing away. Not a good look for Tamina, but hey – my predictions are back on track, so you won’t hear me complaining.

Braun Strowman (c) vs Bray Wyatt

Singles Match for the WWE Universal Championship

I’m looking forward to this one. I think the fact that this is Strowman vs Wyatt rather than Strowman vs The Fiend means that big brawny, er, Braun is keeping his title – but it won’t be the end. I hate to say it, but I don’t feel like WWE are really building behind Braun, not least since he’s been shoved straight into a feud with an invincible superbeing only a month after winning the belt at Wrestlemania.

For what it’s worth, I think it would be great for The Fiend to both regain the title and successfully recruit Braun back to his flock of fireflies at the conclusion of this feud, perhaps at Summerslam. Bray told us this week on Smackdown that he’s trying to re-brainwash Strowman, and I think it would make good storyline sense for him to succeed – at least for a while. 

Having Strowman be Bray’s Bebop for a couple of months would be good for everyone. Bray regains the title and hides behind a bodyguard so he doesn’t have to defend it; The Fiend is kept away altogether, rebuilding his mystique (and protecting his win/loss record); and Strowman drops a belt it seems he isn’t meant to have, but still remains firmly in the main event picture as the man who smashes anyone who steps to his master. Then, towards the end of the year, Strowman can finally escape Wyatt’s clutches and use his inside knowledge to defeat The Fiend in a title-winning effort, and go on an actual, proper, planned run with the strap. To me, it makes good story sense.

Anyway – enough futurecasting. Back to tonight, and as far as this match goes, it’s Braun Strowman for me, Clive.

My prediction: Braun Strowman to retain

The match goes about the way you’d expect in the opening stages – Strowman using all his power to control Wyatt – but a miscue from the big man launches him over the announce table, and Wyatt takes control as Huskus the Pig Boy appears at ringside to cheer on the leader of the Firefly Funhouse. 

Wyatt looks upset as he continues to crush Strowman on the outside; “look what you made me do!” he screams, as he throws the champion back into the ring. Wyatt then hits an enormous avalanche tornado DDT on Strowman, followed by Sister Abigail! It’s surely over! NO!! Strowman kicks out at two and seven-eighths! 

After some disbelieving hesitation, Wyatt picks up Strowman for a second Sister Abigail, but Braun counters into a chokeslam before hitting the Strowman Express (I think is the name) on the outside. Wyatt then manages to kick him to the ground on the outside, and when Strowman gets back up from the floor… he’s wearing the Black Sheep mask! Strowman has the Wyatt Family mask on! He returns to the ring, Wyatt is laughing, they both drop to their knees, arms wide! Are we seeing a Wyatt reunion already?!

The two stand and embrace as all the Firefly Funhouse puppets appear around ringside to cheer on this totally believable reconciliation. It all seems too good to be true. Suddenly, Braun removes the mask, drops it to the floor… and stomps on it! Wyatt is wide-eyed, Strowman lifts him over his head, and hits a huge running powerslam for one, two, three! It was all a ploy by Strowman, this whole time! Well I never.

Winner and STILL WWE Universal Champion: Braun Strowman (3/5) 

Strowman screams at Wyatt in the aftermath, telling him he’s his own man and he made it all on his own – fierce intensity from Braun, I love it. As he retreats up the ramp, the camera closes in on the face of Bray, and an image of The Fiend flickers onto the screen. There’s no way this feud is over, but I’ve got to say – this was an entertaining first installment.

Drew McIntyre (c) vs Seth Rollins

Singles match for the WWE Championship

This is the one match on the card that I’d shove all my savings on if I had savings, or in fact money of any kind. I can’t look past Drew McIntyre to retain his belt and establish himself as the new long-term WWE Champion in what I expect will be a highly entertaining encounter with Seth Rollins. The Monday Night Messiah is a great first opponent for Drew, since his character’s sense of entitlement and delusion won’t be hurt by a crushing double-Claymore putdown, and will serve only to elevate Drew as a resilient, hardy and worthy top-tier champion. I expect Seth’s buddy Murphy to involve himself at some stage but to little avail.

My prediction: Drew McIntyre to retain

I need to say how much I love this Rollins character. He has new entrance music, his look is classic old-school heel – everything about it is spot on, and he plays it to perfection. I’m a huge fan. 

This is a fantastic match, as you’d expect from two incredibly talented and experienced superstars. The early going sees Rollins bump like an absolute legend for McIntyre before clipping the Scot’s knee, launching his shoulder into the ringpost, and taking control of the match.

Rollins puts several submission holds on the legs of McIntyre to weaken the Champion further, before hitting two glancing springboard knees to his face on the outside. Rollins, firmly in control, clears the announce table and hits yet another knee strike that rocks the Scot. However, the overconfident Messiah then goes for a third suicide dive – but this time, Drew catches him, and hits a massive overhead belly to belly suplex into the announce table that levels the match once again.

Back in the ring, Rollins retakes control, hits several huge moves, but McIntyre twice kicks out at one! Incredible resilience from the Scot, which leads to Seth deciding he’s had enough, grabbing a chair from ringside and taking it into the ring… no! He throws it to the outside and goes for a Stomp, but McIntyre evades, and slaps Rollins with two Glasgow Kisses! Double brain damage, surely, but no – Rollins goes up top and hits his top-rope superplex into a Falcon Arrow! Drew kicks out at two! Some back and forthery ensues, Drew ducks a Rollins bounce off the ropes and hits the Futureshock DDT!! ROLLINS OUT AT TWO THIS TIME!!

Wow. Excellent sequence that could have ended the match in either direction, but we’re still going here. Drew crotches Seth on the top rope and goes up to meet him; there surely can’t be much left in this match now. Rollins counters but still gets launched off the top rope into a flipping suplex, but recovers to hit a superkick on Drew! STOMP BY ROLLINS ON DREW! It’s over! It’s over! 

NO! ANOTHER KICKOUT FROM DREW! How is he doing this?! I honestly, genuinely thought it was over there. Brilliant false finish!

Rollins goes for another Stomp, but Drew slips out! Headbutt! Superkick reply from Rollins! CLAYMORE! CLAYMORE KICK! Drew rebounded off the ropes from that Rollins superkick and just ploughed through Rollins with a face-shattering Claymore… and it’s over! Drew McIntyre retains his WWE Championship, and wow – great match.

Winner and STILL WWE Champion: Drew McIntyre (4/6)

Post-match, Drew offers a hand to Rollins, telling him that match was exactly what he needed. To my surprise, Rollins accepts it, and McIntyre leaves with no further incident. Well, well, well. I didn’t expect that at all. Very curious finish, and I’m going to say it again – that was a tremendous match. Best of the night, in my opinion.

Men’s and Women’s Money In The Bank Ladder Matches

Each winner receives a contract for a world championship match

Let’s deal with the men’s match first. Daniel Bryan and Rey Mysterio don’t need the briefcase and I think their inclusion in this match is mostly to bring some experience and humour to proceedings. They aren’t winning. Otis isn’t ready for the title yet, plus he has enough still going on with Ziggler et al – though I think he will come close, only for Dolph to interfere and deny him. Baron Corbin is a strong shout since he’d be simply unbearable with the briefcase, which would come across brilliantly on TV, but after he went off the air on Friday with his greasy mitts on one, I’m putting him out of the running. For me, it comes down to Aleister Black and AJ Styles. 

I still think Styles is the favourite to win it so he can return straight to the main event picture after his loss to Taker at Wrestlemania – but I don’t think that’s where we’re going. Given my earlier thought that The Fiend will eventually win back the Universal Title from Braun, and the idea that Black could both break Wyatt’s spell over Strowman and go on to face The Fiend for the strap is too mouthwatering for me to resist. Plus, the Dutch Destroyer is my honest-to-god favourite, so I can’t bet against him. Aleister Black for the win.

On the women’s side, choosing a winner is no easier. I think there’s no question that it should be Shayna Baszler, 100%, but for whatever reason her callup to the main roster hasn’t been the limb-tearing bloodbath it should have been, and I don’t think the company wants her in the top spot. If she wins I’ll be delighted, but I don’t think it’s the way it’ll go.

The announcement that Becky Lynch will confront the winner on Raw feels like a clue that it will be a red-brand superstar, so with Shayna discounted from my list of prospects, that leaves Asuka and Nia Jax. That does feel a bit unfair on Lacey Evans, Carmella and my favourite women’s division superstar Dana Brooke, who I would jump off a ladder for myself if it earned her the win here, but I’m going with my gut feeling. 

My choice comes down to the fact that Asuka and Becky had a conclusive feud in very recent memory. Although the Empress would be great with the briefcase, I don’t think she’s getting it. I don’t think I like it, but I’m putting all my chips on Nia Jax to be a fairly surprise winner of this year’s women’s Money In The Bank match.

I feel it’ll go like this over the next few months: Jax wins, teases Becky with the briefcase which allows her to be on TV but not actually have any matches, Asuka gets a championship match and beats Becky for the title on a future show, but Jax heelishly cashes in moments later to win the strap and deny us the Asuka title reign we all want to see. Come on, admit it – it’s possible. 

Winner predictions: Aleister Black and Nia Jax

One thing to remember about these simultaneous matches is that they’re pre-taped, which means there’s scope for some lovely cinematic scenes, interactions between superstars, and lots of office-related spots and shenanigans. I’m expecting one person’s hand to get stapled, another to have a computer monitor smashed over their head, and quite honestly, if Daniel Bryan takes out Baron Corbin with a rolled-up magazine Jason Bourne-style, you won’t hear me complaining. 

Spot prediction: Otis farts in a lift with Carmella, creating a simply hilarious moment that will be replayed for generations

And with that, we’re semi-live at WWE Headquarters for both Money In The Bank ladder matches. All the superstars get a degree of entrance which, in truth, makes little sense. Seeing the female competitors walk into the lobby and calmly stand next to each other in a nicely organised line rather than instantly kicking each other’s teeth in looks pretty stupid to me; at least the guys walk into the gym section of Titan Towers and start trash talking one another straight away. 

Asuka starts off the women’s match by jumping off the floor above onto all five other competitors, whereas the guys go straight at it in the gym with Otis screaming “SETS AND REPS! SETS AND REPS!” which makes me smile. It’s not quite Steaks and Weights, but it’ll do.

Asuka smartly takes advantage of being the only woman on her feet by jumping straight in a lift and heading for the upper floors before anyone can stop her – very sensible and unexpected. Back in the gym, Corbin launches a weight plate at Daniel Bryan that smashes through a mirror and makes a huge hole in the wall behind it. Corbin stares at the damage forlornly as if considering the very nature of his existence and the fact that he could have just ended a human life, but actually I’m sure he’s just worried about how much Vince is going to fine him for damaging company property.

Otis traps AJ Styles under a far-too-heavy barbell and the remaining five charge out of the gym – Rey Mysterio, at the back, stops briefly to chat with Brother Love, who’s in a toilet cubicle for whatever reason. Nice little cameo there, and most importantly, he does go to wash his hands at the end. We cut away before seeing if he goes for the full 20 seconds, but we must assume he does.

In a hallway, the frontrunner boys call the lifts while also taking the time to kick and punch each other in the face. Eventually one arrives, and all four manage to punch their way inside. Meanwhile, the ladies are fighting their way up the stairs, reaching a lobby where the lift opens and the boys spill out into their path. Everyone brawls for a while before Asuka sneaks out of her lift and past the melee, chased by Shayna Baszler – and on the other side, Aleister Black spots his chance to get ahead and does the same, with Daniel Bryan in hot pursuit. A clown appears. I might be hallucinating.

The women reach a boardroom of some kind where a Nia/Shayna confrontation is ended by a Dana Brooke chair shot… and what’s this? There’s a briefcase hanging from the ceiling! Dana climbs onto the table, takes down the briefcase… SHE’S WON IT! DANA BROOKE IS MS MONEY IN THE BANK!

Of course she isn’t. Stephanie McMahon, entrance music and all, arrives on the scene to tell Dana she’s simply removed a prop from the Money In The Bank Conference Room, and that the real briefcase is on the roof! Silly Dana, doesn’t know the rules of the match that have been plastered all over all WWE programming for weeks. The briefcase she’s taken does appear to be full of actual cash, so maybe just cut your losses, Dana? Mella is Money, however, and she takes Dana out for her attempted gimmick infringement, but a Women’s Right from Lacey Evans puts her down too. Asuka, Baszler and Evans are now the only three women who aren’t unconscious in a conference room. Unconscierence Room? I’m not sure of anything any more.

AJ Styles, meanwhile, is looking through the building specifically for Rey Mysterio for some reason. He sees an Undertaker poster on the wall that scares him, then opens an office door that has the smoke, the blue lighting, and the familiar DONG of the Deadman. Freaked out, AJ turns to leave, but Aleister Black arrives to punt him into the room and slam the door. Styles screams, Black gives a knowing smirk, then legs it before AJ can escape.

Paul Heyman is sitting at a table absolutely chock full of food that I’m certain nobody is going to throw at each other when all the remaining competitors arrive. Of course, a massive food fight ensues that sees Shayna accidentally choke out Rey Mysterio in the confusion, then Otis and Nia squash Rey between their bodies in a lovely bit of male/female interaction. Eventually Nia powerbombs Carmella through the catering table to end the brawl and squares up to Otis, who’s naturally eating some kind of sandwich. They give each other a look that I’m concerned might mean… no, no. They just walk away from each other. Thank god.

Otis then finds himself in a kitchen where there’s MORE food! Oh yeeeesss! Unfortunately for everyone, John Laurinitis then appears on a mobility scooter, hits his People Power catchphrase, and is then slapped in the face with a cream pie. Delightful.

Asuka continues her new Running Away gimmick, pursued by all the other women in their match. Meanwhile, Black and Bryan – dream match if ever I saw one – are brawling in a stairwell before AJ Styles returns to get in their way. Bryan and Styles fight into what looks like a random office… but it’s not random at all! It’s the Chairman’s office! Vince McMahon screams at them to get out, they go to leave, but not before replacing his furniture and slowly closing the door. Mr McMahon with the hand sanitizer! What a move by Vince! Remember, everyone: stay alert, wash your hands, don’t invite a bunch of wrestlers over for dinner.

Corbin then announces he’s going to the roof, which leads to a super drone swoop-over of the WWE HQ summit. Asuka, Nia Jax and Lacey Evans burst through the door and into the ring that’s been set up, with both briefcases dangling alongside each other just above it. The ring is surrounded by ladders, and basically, we’re now down to a standard Money In The Bank ladder match – but one where basically anyone could arrive at any moment, and the men and women are probably going to be climbing the same ladders at the same time. It’s going to be chaos, and I can’t wait.

Lacey, Nia and Asuka vie for the briefcase for quite a while; long enough that I start seriously questioning where on earth the other nine have gotten to. Are they lost? Regardless, eventually Asuka is alone and climbing the ladder, surely to glory – but Baron Corbin arrives, climbs the other side, and tries to stop her for some reason! What is going on! What’s the point of Corbin trying to stop Asuka winning a briefcase! It doesn’t matter – Asuka boots him down, climbs up… and takes the contract! ASUKA IS THE WINNER OF THE WOMEN’S MONEY IN THE BANK BRIEFCASE, with Shayna Baszler, Carmella and Dana Brooke not even present for the finish!

Man, that’s a surprise. Not that Asuka won, but the manner of it; after everything we’ve just seen, it felt a little anticlimactic – especially with Baron Corbin positioned as her final threat. Why in god’s name is he in that spot when you’ve got three women who aren’t even taking part in the finish? I don’t understand in the slightest, but still…

Winner of the Women’s Money In The Bank Match: Asuka (4/7)

With the women’s match done with, the men can arrive on the scene. Otis bundles his way onto the roof to meet Corbin, hitting the highest Caterpillar in history before being flattened by the sudden arrival of Aleister Black from outta nowhere. Mysterio is here too, and he vies with Black on top of the ladder as AJ Styles slides in and pushes them both down.

Rey Mysterio is outside the ring, Corbin pulls him off the apron… and throws him off the roof of the building! REY MYSTERIO IS KILLED BY BARON CORBIN! And he’s not finished yet, because Corbin then takes Black by the head… and does the same thing to him! BARON CORBIN HAS COMMITTED A DOUBLE MURDER!

I can’t write this loudly enough: Rey Mysterio and Aleister Black have both just been thrown off the roof of WWE Headquarters by Baron Corbin and are now, presumably, dead.

With his new serial killer gimmick established, Corbin goes to the top of the ladder with AJ Styles. Be careful, AJ! He’s out of his mind!

They both fight for the case… and both take it down simultaneously! They both have their hands on it! But who’s the winner?! Corbin and Styles fight for ownership of the case, when suddenly, Elias appears from nowhere and smashes Corbin in the back with a guitar! Corbin releases the case, AJ seems to have it, but he drops it… right into the arms of Otis! OTIS! OTIS IS MR MONEY IN THE BANK! WHAT ON EARTH IS HAPPENING HERE!

Winner of the Men’s Money In The Bank Match: Otis (4/8)

Well. I mean, what can you say about all that? I know I’m meant to be the reviewer here, but I’m slack-jawed.

I knew before this all started that there was a good chance these Money In The Bank matches would be the most ridiculous things I’d ever seen, but I didn’t expect three women to not even take part in the finish of their match, Corbin to commit a double murder, and least of all Otis to accidentally win the men’s briefcase after AJ Styles literally dropped it into his arms. 

I definitely enjoyed that, but as for how I feel… I don’t know what to tell you. I’m just stunned into the back of my chair. I might need to lie down, watch that match again, then have another lie down. It was… something. It was definitely something.

Plus, I’ll tell you one thing for certain: I’ll be watching Smackdown on Friday to see where they take Otis now that he’s got a guaranteed shot at, presumably, Braun Strowman’s Universal Championship. I’m gutted that Aleister Black didn’t win the men’s match, but at least they had to kill him in order to prevent him from doing so, so I guess he gets a rub, albeit posthumously.

I’m bloody delighted for Asuka, but devastated for Shayna Baszler, whose main contribution to this match was choking out Rey Mysterio before throwing a plate of rice at Otis. What in the fresh hell are they doing with her on the main roster? She should be the new Ronda Rousey in terms of championship dominance, but instead, here she is. At least my pick, Nia Jax, made it to the final stretch of the women’s match. Man, there’s a lot to unpack here. If you haven’t seen it, I’d recommend you go watch it right now. Not because it’s brilliant, but just because… you have to see it.

And I guess that’s where I should stop too. It’s called The Big Review for a reason, you know. My predictions have been an absolute catastrophe from start to finish, but if anyone got everything right from that card, they must have insider knowledge. All titles retained as expected, generally good matches in the Performance Center, a show-stealer from Rollins and McIntyre, and total chaos in the MITB matches with one incredibly unexpected result. One thing’s for certain: people will be talking about this show for a while.

I’ve been Mike Paul, and I’m pouring myself a large alcoholic drink as we speak. See you next time!