The end is near, folks. For 1999 I watched one of Vince Russo’s first episodes in charge of WCW. Russo would be fired then rehired with Eric Bischoff in April 2000. I am on record as defending the early part of the Bischoff/Russo regime. The first month or so is not bad. They have a set storyline in place and know they have to try and make new stars.
But of course, it all starts to fall off the rails soon. David Arquette wins the WCW title, Hogan leaves after Russo cuts a “shoot” promo on him, Goldberg turns heel and plenty more. It is an all around quick downfall.
So here we are in September 2000 with Vince Russo solely in charge. And guess what? He is challenging for the WCW title tonight.
Russo tried to make himself Vince McMahon. The problem? Russo was never anywhere near the character that was Mr. McMahon. And he is was TOO much the focus of the show. Russo had Scott Steiner and Jeff Jarrett. But they never benefited from being with Russo like Rock did from being with Vince.
Alright, lets get through this together. I mean we got through the 99 show right?
We start with a ridiculous, over the top video package praising Vince Russo coming home to his hometown of Long Island (it’s actually Uniondale) and how he is going to win the WCW Championship in his hometown. Because why not start a video package for your main wrestling program with a non wrestler. That’ll keep people tuned in.
Big Vito vs Johnny “The Bull”- I Quit Kendo Stick/Stick Ball Match
These guys are former tag team champions as friends. But not anymore bro! These guys are actually both good hands to have around. Vito always gave it his all in the ring. Johnny “The Bull” had the look you want in a wrestler but was never the same after tearing his urethra. Ouch.
There is a Vito chant. I guess Uniondale loves Vito. So Vito has a stick ball bat and Johnny has a kendo stick. Is one worse than the other? Both men are able to land shots on each other with their respective weapons. Vito ends up getting Johnny caught in the ropes and nails Johnny.
Out comes Reno. He has a kendo stick of his own and uses it on Vito. Reno ties up Vito in the corner and nails him with kendo stick shots. Suddenly, Maria, Vito’s sister, jumps the railing and quits for Vito. Doesn’t she have to throw in the towel to do that?
Oh yeah, we are trying to figure out the father of Stacy Kiebler’s baby. Because it wasn’t David Flair. David Flair is apparently wandering around some town looking for him.
Jeff Jarrett comes out. I’m ready to groan but Scott Steiner’s music hits and out he comes with Midajah. So the segment is saved. Jarrett says tonight is Rusoo’s night. Steiner rips on the Giants and Jets. Steiner tells all of the New York white trash to stand up and kiss his ass (shouldn’t they kneel?) and praise him for scaring Goldberg out of wrestling.
Steiner welcomes Vince Russo out to the ring. I see five pro Vince Russo signs which is five too many. Russo praises Long Island and says his new home of Atlanta sucks. He says Atlanta has cousins making babies with cousins. Dude, Long Island ain’t a great place either bro.
Suddenly Sting’s crow theme hits. I believe he was using a rip off of Metallica’s Seek and Destory at this point. Sting and Booker T appear on the tron and Sting says he has Booker’s back. Sting tells Russo to turn around and Goldberg is in the crowd.
World Tag Team Title Battle Royal
This is for the vacant tag titles. But the Filthy Animals have tag title belts. Kronik was told they are out of the match by Mike Sanders. I hate battle royals involving anything tag team related.We got the Harris Brothers, MIA, 3 Count, Yung Dragons, Filthy Animals and Jindrak and O’Haire.
Konnan is on commentary and boy is he full of one liners. Apparently 3 Count is popular in bath houses. So if one member is eliminated the other can stay in. Kronik comes out. Konnan says if you have insomnia these guys will cure it. Konnan is curing mine right now.
Kronik might be Brian Adams best gimmick since Kona Crush. You can’t deny the guys were over. Security comes out and uses mace on Kronik to get them out. So are the guys they eliminated still in? Konnan says Jindrak and O’Haire are greener than a salad bar.
We’re down to those two and Rey and Juvi. O’Haire hits a nice swanton bomb. Out comes Disco Inferno and he hits Juvi with his pet duck. Juvi is eliminated. Someone rings the bell for some reason. Rey gets eliminated then the match is over. Maybe the time keeper heard Konnan’s commentary and fell asleep.
It is the first Miss WCW competition. The judges? Howard Stern’s Wack Pack. Don’t ask. Don’t care.
Kevin Nash, the coach of the Natural Born Thrillers, comes in and says Mean Gene should be interviewing them.
The Insane Clown Posse vs That 70s Guy Mike Awesome
ICP challenges Awesome to a 2-on-1 handicap hardcore match. Poor Mike Awesome. For those that don’t know I am a huge Awesome fan. And he went from badass to this crap in a matter of months. What a waste.
Awesome comes out in his 70s bus and uses a fire extinguisher on the ICP. They start brawling up onto the bus. I always had some respect for the ICP when it came to wrestling. These guys liked and respected the business and took it seriously.
Violent J goes through a table. Shaggy eats an Awesome Bomb and slides right off the bus as Awesome tries to grab him. His fall isn’t too bad as Awesome pins him for the win.
David Flair is in a Chuck E Cheese looking for the father. He jumps in the ball pit looking for the father of Stacy’s kid.
The Cat comes out. He tells Mark Madden he hates his fat ass. Don’t forget The Cat is the commissioner. He says if Nash, Jarrett or Steiner come to the ring for his match tonight they are fired.
Out comes Above Average Mike Sanders. Cat calls him a ratings killer. Sanders says Cat has five seconds to change his decision. Sanders tries to hit Cat with a bat but Cat blocks it. Out comes Coach Nash and the Thrillers. Nash draws up a play and the Thrillers attack.
The crowd chants “We Want Hall” during the attack. Yeah that wasn’t happening at this point. We go to break in the middle of the beat down.
It is time for the WCW Bikini competition. We have Tygress, Torrie Wilson, Paisley, Major Gunns, Chae, Kimona and Shaqita. Meane Gene is the MC with Pamela Paulshock, who is wearing a giant fur coat so you know something is up.
Out comes Jim Duggan, who don’t forget is a member of Team Canada. He won’t let people see Major Gunns. She is a forced member of Team Canada now. Major Gunns wears less when she is at ringside. Pamela takes off her jacket because she is getting hot. But she says she isn’t in the contest. The Wack Pack picks Pamela as the winner. Kimona, who is a dominatrix, goes to whip Pamela but Midajah beats up Kimona in the worst cat fight ever.
Scott Steiner is interviewed backstage but is attacked by Goldberg.
Disco Inferno, who is trying way too hard be hip, is out with his pet blowup duck. He says the Filthy Animals don’t have it like that, but he has found someone that has it like that. What does that even mean? He goes to introduce his new partner but out comes Scott Steiner.
Steiner throws Disco out of the ring. Steiner says he beat Goldberg at Fall Brawl (which is a really good match by the way) and calls him out. Goldberg says he will fight, but his rules. No interference, no rules inside the cage above the ring. Steiner tries to run through the crowd but Goldberg gets him.
Goldberg chokes Steiner with a cable before getting into the ring as the cage lowers. Ah yes, an impromptu Goldberg vs Scott Steiner match. Why build that, right?
Steiner then takes the majority of the offense in the match. Midajah comes and hands Steiner a pipe. Steiner goes to leave the cage but NFL palyer Jumbo Elliott stops him from leaving. Goldberg then spears Steiner back in the ring and walks out for the win. Woof.
Beetlejuice from the Wack Pack calls Jeff Jarrett Slap Nuts, so Jarrett hits him with a guitar. No dimes were drawn.
General Rection vs Jeff Jarrett
Oh good. Two of my least favorite people in the wrestling business of all time. And I thought the Bikini Contest was awful. We get a minute of wrestling until Team Canada comes out. Lance Storm distracts the ref so Jim Duggan can hit Rection with the 2×4. Jarrett hits the Stroke for the win.
MIA comes out for the save but get out numbered until Sting makes the save. Lance Storm challenges Sting to a match and we get it back from break.
Sting vs Lance Storm
Sting must have been thrilled when he saw this match on the rundown. He pretty much walked through the motions of the Vampiro feud because he hated Vamp for some reason.
We actually get two minutes of real wrestling in the ring as Sting hits some armdrags and a hip toss. Sting takes Storm to the outside but misses a charge into the railing. Storm hits a nice springboard dropkick back in the ring and follows it up with a crossbody that Sting rolls through.
Sting hits a Stinger Splash in the corner but Storm counters to the Canadian Maple Leaf. Sting gets to the ropes. Sting then does a nice transition from what looks like a bodyslam attempt into the Scorpion Death Drop for the win. Hey, that was some fun wrestling while it lasted!
David Flair shows up at a house, which already happened to have a camera inside. This old man keeps telling David to leave his house. David is in the wrong house. He goes next door but the guy isn’t home. Flair tells the old guy to tell him he knows and leaves. So that was all a giant waste. It was never revealed, but it was going to be either Ric Flair or (shocker) Vince Russo.
WCW Championship: Booker T (c) vs Vince Russo
Out comes Russo in a Giants jersey and football helmet minus the face mask. Booker T takes the time to walk around all of ringside and slap hands. He probably doesn’t want to deal with this crap either.
Members of the locker room come out and surround the cage. Russo pulls a bat out and sneak attacks Booker. The wrestlers won’t let Russo leave the cage to win. I should remind you guys the cage is the WWE’s Hell In A Cell.
Russo decided to grab a ladder as he hits Booker with the bat again. Russo climbs the ladder and rips off a piece of the cage. Awesome puts Russo back in as Sting comes down from the top as Russo falls off the ladder.
Booker takes the football helmet off Russo. Booker slaps him then throws Booker into the cage. The referee admonishes Booker for some reason for his punches in a No DQ match.
Lex Luger comes from the crowd and hands Russo another bat. Was one not good enough? Oh never mind it is a pipe. Russo shoves the ref down and he blades for the business. EMTs come out. One is Ric Flair, who attacks Russo.
Flair applies a half assed figure four. Out come the Thrillers and we have a giant brawl around the cage. Anything to distract from the match works. Booker low blows Russo then hits the ax kick. Booker then hits the Harlem Side Kick.
Goldberg’s music hits, and Booker stops in front of the door for some reason. Just leave you idiot and come back in. Steiner then comes back out and throws the door into Booker, but Booker throws it back. Goldberg spears Russo out of the cage before Booker steps out and we are left wondering who won.
The spear actually gave Russo a concussion, somehow making his brain worse than it was before. Russo would be gone the next month.
Vince Russo would declare himself the winner then relinquish the title on Nitro the following Monday.
This is post Bash at the Beach with Vince Russo in a nutshell. All about him, with very few benefiting because of it. Booker T looked like a complete idiot in this match. We still had very little wrestling. Russo tried to make this RAW, but as history shows, he had no one to shoot down his bad ideas.