Bard Times: The Ballad Of Macho Madness

Randy Savage
Photo Credit: WWE

If you have a few moments spare
I would like to pull up a folding chair
To tell of a man without compare
Now if you have no time, then I guess that is fair
But if so, I swear
You don’t need to say yes; just say “Oooh, yeah!”

Born of the legend, Poffo, Angelo
He would occasionally don the red and yellow
And could be a good or evil fellow.
Never knowingly arbitrary
From Sister Sherri to Brother Terry
An influential figure. Very.

In the Pontiac
This Maniac
Was under attack from a Dragon
He would not be compliant
As Hogan fought a Giant
He would wrestle, defiant, for rights worthy of bragging.

Wrestlemania Three
Ricky and Randy
Slickly and handily 
Put on a clinic
Little need for gimmick. 

Three years after Steamboat
Savage got the Dream’s vote 
To walk the road oh so dusty
In a battle of the trusty
Elbows, be they top-rope or bionic
Could it be considered ironic
That the man who dined on pork and beans
Stood victorious over the king and the queen?

Forgive me for not being entirely linear
And skipping over times when the roster was skinnier.
Depth, the locker room would arguably lack it
So instead of a main event they went to a bracket.

Randy Savage WrestleMania 4

Having Liz in his corner meant
Randy had a chance in the tournament
And while Hulk and Andre drew
Savage wandered safely through. 

Butch Reed, one would have to concede, did not provide a test
Then Valentine, with semis on the line, was only second best
One Man Gang, went out with a bang, (we miss Akeem, we jest)
Randy v Ted, in the final, we said, means we are truly blessed. 
In these days, our TVs were grainier
But this was still the main event of Mania
And as flashlights burst for magazines glossy
There they stood; Savage and DiBiase
One felt like talking to Liz just to warn her 
That Teddy would have a giant in his corner
“Everyone has a price” I believe is the slogan
Liz had a backup and went to get Hogan
Who helped out so that Randy would obtain the prize
But he looked at Liz with lust in his eyes.

The gradual breakdown of trust would allow us
A whole year to see the Mega Powers
Implode, despite their collaborative prowess.
(Remember when they had to beat the Twin Towers?)

So after years of abuse
Randy cut Liz loose
Teamed with Zeus
But it was no use.

The title was lacking
But with Sherri’s backing
He went about ransacking the kingdom of Duggan
Big Jim fell down
And lost his crown
In what would amount to a mugging.

From a man to a King, Savage went
But his expression could have not been sorrier
When Vince asked for his consent, to see if time could be spent
Trying to get a good match out of Warrior.

The Ultimate one looked down on Sherri, and the manner in which Savage kept her.
But she laughed at his jokes, and distracted blokes, as Randy hit them with a sceptre.

Randy Savage vs Ultimate Warrior

The fact that it might have been Hellwig’s best match is a reason for having some pride
But possibly as emotionally importantly, Elizabeth was back by his side. 
Retirement, sure. But he was to make her his bride. 

Following on from Wrestlemania Seven
The match made in heaven
Was the hottest event of the summer
But getting married in the ring
Is about as good a thing
As pushing TL Hopper the plumber.

The Deadman and Jake would undertake to ruin the Savages’ marriage.
But whatever they did, they were foiled by Sid, who would prevent a justice miscarriage. 

Once bitten, twice shy
Savage not the kind of guy 
To stand by as his overwhelming desire meant
He could not keep himself 
Standing by on the shelf
So he ended his self-styled retirement. 

Eventually he would fight for the belt once again, against a man who would certainly hate ya
At Mania Eight he was king among men, against a boy for whom wrestling was nature. 

(To be fair to Flair, as was said by the Brain
There was a coup and a woo, and he would shortly regain.)

Then came Monday Night Raw
Savage went to the floor
It seems he knew the score
Main-eventer no more. 

But there came one last rush, as he faced off with Crush, in what’s considered an underrated angle
At Wrestlemania Ten, Randy won once again, leaving the Hawaiian to dangle. 
From working with the great Ricky Steamboat, to having Bryan Adams in his plans
You know it’s true, everything he would do, he would do for the Macho Man fans. 

So whenever you feel down at where you are sat 
And you think that your life is a bad mess
Just remember that wearing tassles and a green cowboy hat
Is considered the first sign of madness.